Creativity and innovation extend far beyond artistic expression; they are crucial life skills that foster curiosity, problem-solving and the ability to adapt to new challenges. While parents often use praise to motivate their children, many are surprised to learn that praise can sometimes stifle creativity.
The Problem
Praise is easy to give. It acknowledges our children’s skills, efforts and talents. Everyone enjoys positive feedback and supporting children is important. However, praise has turned into a form of hyper-parenting or hyper-teaching. Phrases like “good job” or “good listening” have become repetitive and lose their impact, turning into verbal habits. Researchers refer to this as “sugar-coated control,” describing how praise manipulates children similarly to tangible rewards. In the short term, it works because children crave approval.
While we aim to boost our children’s self-esteem, it can be discouraging to learn that praise might do the opposite. The more we praise, the more children become dependent on it. Research shows that children praised for creative tasks often struggle with the next one and don’t perform as well as those who weren’t praised at all.
Why does this happen? Praise creates pressure to “keep up the good work,” which can inhibit risk-taking—an essential element of creativity. Misusing praise creates approval junkies. Being an approval junkie makes self-worth dependent on others’ opinions, leading to constant anxiety and fear of failure, and fosters insecurity. True confidence comes from within, not from external validation, allowing individuals to thrive on their own terms rather than constantly seeking approval.
Hint, the more insecure your child is, the less you should praise. Ask them questions instead so they get used to feeling valued for what is going on inside them. Watch their confidence grow when you show respect and curiosity.
Although it’s not harmful to occasionally say “good job” (and it can be difficult not to), this approach overlooks the thoughts, feelings, and values behind behaviour. For instance, a child may do something kind, not for praise, but because they genuinely want to help.
The Solution
Changing how we use praise isn’t easy. First, we need to understand why we should change, then work on breaking the habit. You might notice your child asking if something is “good” when you don’t offer praise. Don’t worry—you can shift to a more meaningful and supportive approach. Here’s how:
• Say nothing. Not everything needs reinforcement. Over-praising dilutes its impact and can be manipulative. Even young children can sense when they’re being played.
• Describe what you see. Instead of evaluating, simply state what you observe. For example: “I see a red line and lots of blue,” or “I notice you shared your snack with Jane,” or “The kitchen is clean; the counters are wiped and the dishwasher is emptied.” Saying thank you is fine too. Descriptions provide useful information, much like receiving specific feedback. For example, instead of just “great presentation,” tell them what worked.
• Acknowledge sincere contributions. Help kids understand the impact of their actions. For example, “Jane looked really pleased when you gave her half of your apple,” or “It’s a relief to walk into a clean kitchen.” (You may say this after fainting!)
• Ask more, talk less. Instead of stating what impresses you about their work, ask questions. “What do you like most about your drawing?” “How did you figure out how to apply this shape?” “How did you come up with this idea?”
Compliments and thank yous aren’t always harmful, but it’s essential to consider our motives. Genuine enthusiasm for a child’s accomplishments should come from a place of, “You look pleased or proud of yourself,” rather than “I’m so proud of you.” Encourage progress and excitement over their own achievements. Remember, this isn’t about rigid rules. We’re allowed to colour outside the lines too.
Keep it simple:
• Be sincere
• Be specific
• Be encouraging
• Be non-evaluative
• Get curious and ask questions
Positive Praise is non-evaluative. It encourages children to be themselves and grow according to their own standards. It separates behaviour from their character.
Misused Praise is evaluative. It praises children for pleasing you or for meeting your standards, evaluating them instead of focusing on specific behaviours.
Finally, a twist. Be careful when demonstrating your talents. Figure out how to share your accomplishments without making it look easy. Share your struggles and doubts along with the joy you feel when you pull something off.
