Finding balance and slowing down—something I haven’t been great at.
Instead I get caught up in trying to do great things, more often and faster.
Like build a career and a healthy body.
Parent well, multitask and respond.
Nurture meaningful friendships.
Make the sort of money that qualifies me as “rich” so that I can have anything.
Cook, clean and get the house organized to be the wife I know deep down my husband desires—or so I’ve made myself believe that which is debilitating.
While most of that list is important, I had an epiphany worth sharing that literally brought me to tears.
I had more things to do—deadlines, the “what’s next?” feeling of “slipping behind” if I’m not “getting ahead.”
I was about to run upstairs to do my usual hide for freedom to finish work, but unusually instead, decided to sit outside, just close my eyes and breathe through the overwhelm.
My daughter came over to me for a cuddle and she hugged me longer than she’s ever done before. The warmth of the sunset seemed everlasting as the clouds moved away for the night.
Then she pushed away for a moment, looked into my eyes and maybe it was the golden hour light, but I’ve never seen so deep into her soul before.
She smiled, and I got lost in that moment.
I really saw her, and she saw me.
Time slowed down so beautifully and all that mattered, truly, was living in that moment.
I teared up knowing how important this awakening was to me, and how I could have missed it entirely running off to do the next thing.
I can write this now as therapy to my soul, and I’m proud to have felt these powerful realizations—in essence:
• the importance of creating a time to work and a non-negotiable time to live.
• discerning what deserves our attention now, from what may be important in life— but can wait.
• finding the balance and pause in our day to keep going without burning out.
• living for the in-between moments where you just get lost in time instead of rushing through it—and while there—taking every ounce of it in.
• realizing that life isn’t about having anything you’ve ever wanted, it’s knowing you already have it all.
The ways mental health shows up in motherhood
Perfectionism
Hiding, detachment and desensitization
Overthinking/over-critical
Imposter syndrome
Short-tempered/impatient
Irritable snaps followed by guilt
And that makes me a perfectly normal human who needs to redirect focus to her own needs.
