My oldest child could not wait to get a job. To him, money meant freedom. The same cannot be said of my youngest son, who believes that time is freedom. They are both unequivocally right.
At 16, my youngest has curated a full life—friends, hobbies, sports and school. He is a hard worker, waking at 5 am to hit the gym, honouring his studies and excelling as a leader on his soccer team. “I don’t have time for a job,” he has explained more than once.
As summer approaches and he will, indeed, have more time, I feel torn about strongly encouraging him to look for work. Perhaps because I have a front-row seat, witnessing the growing pains my older child is experiencing in learning how to become an adult.
“Mom! All I do is work and go to the gym. On the weekends, I run errands. Is this what the rest of my life looks like?” he recently moaned.
“Yes and no, my love. Balance is hard. When you find a career that fulfills you, the work becomes less of a grind. You’ll be lit up and excited but that takes time. When you went to school and saw your friends every day, fun appeared out of nowhere. As an adult, you need to create space and time to play.”
In this context, when my gaze shifts to my youngest, I understand his desire to remain a kid, to grow, to explore without having to clock in and clock out. Part of me desperately wants this for him. After all, he will have the rest of his life to work. Why not let him enjoy a few more unencumbered summers?
The more logical side of my brain reminds me that parenting, too, requires a delicate and difficult balance. Having a summer job will teach my son many valuable life skills—responsibility, accountability, pride in contribution, work ethic, financial literacy…. The list is long. And as much as teenagers live magically in the moment (a trait many of us sadly lose as we age), my son must learn to also plan for his future.
Cars, college, trade school, travel…. It’s all expensive. If he dreams of living a big life, he should start saving for it. I’ve shared all of this in conversations with my boy and he begrudgingly agreed.
As he sat down to create his resume, an excellent opportunity arose to explain my philosophy on working. Think of things which make you feel happy, at peace, excited and fulfilled. Is there a way to make money doing one of those things? Ideally, work should not be soul sucking. It can actually be fun.
He decided to prioritize being outside (ideally by the water), working with young people, being active and learning new skills. Luckily for him, the local marina was hiring students to rent boats and other watercraft this summer.
He was thrilled and decided to accept three to four shifts per week (making time for friends and fun). He has also agreed to save half of each pay cheque as an investment in his future, while using ample income to treat himself.
As a side note, if my son had chosen not to search for summer employment, I would have supported that choice as well. However, he knew the decision came at a cost. As his mother, I agree to pay for items he needs, but will not fund wants and desires. An empty bank account may mean he would miss out on summer adventures with his friends, or the trendiest clothes in his closet when back-to-school shopping this fall. Another life lesson, folks—every choice comes with a price. Work and have less time to play. Don’t work and feel the pain of being broke. We have the luxury of choosing based on our values.
So, to work or not to work? I’m not sure there is a definitive answer. And, our job as parents is not to decide for our teens, but to help them consider the pros and cons of their options and let them live with the natural consequences.
